Hidden Secret
by ShadowSoulN7
Summary: Right before Ilos, poker and coffee. Lili ants to admit, but she can't.


"Maybe I should say something," she muttered. "No, I won't. I can't say anything, I can't ruin it." she continued. "If I did...I don't know what I would do. I'll just keep my mouth shut." she concluded as the door hissed open.

"Commander, would you like to come down and play some poker with us?" Ashley asked. Lili walked over with a nod.

"Sounds fun, Ash." she replied, fallowing the soldier to the elevator and into the cargo bay. There was a table set up with chairs all around. The commander took a seat.

"So, she's playing?" Wrex questioned.

"Yes, I plan to win." Lili told him. The old Krogan laughed.

"Let's just get started." Ashley sighed, dealing out the cards. "So there are six of us here, we'll go clock-wise. That means it goes, Shepard, Liara, Wrex, Vakarian, Tali and myself." she added.

"Alright." Lili said as she threw a couple credits on the table. This was going to be fun.

-x-x-x-

"I quit. I really don't want to lose all my credits." Tali exclaimed, throwing down her cards. Liara nodded her agreement. The two women got up and left.

"Well, with them gone, I won't get rich. Damn." Ashley sighed, putting her cards down and walking off.

"Three people, no fun." Wrex explained, leaving. Lili took all the cards and put them away. If she was to say a thing, she should say it now.

"Hey, er, Garrus. Would you like to join me for a cup of coffee before we hit Illos?" she asked the Turian.

"Sure." he replied. Lili smiled to herself and walked over to the elevator with him.

-x-x-x-

The mess hall was empty when they walked in. Lili walked over and took out two cups with two kinds of instant coffee, regular for herself while the other was good for Turians and Quarians to drink.

She filled the cups with hot water and poured in the coffee powder then walked over and took a seat across from her friend. He took the cup from her.

"Commander, I want to know, how did you deal with Virmire?" Garrus asked. Lili lifted her cup to her lips and took a sip.

"Oh. Well, I know Kaidan died a hero and will be honored like one, I'll make sure of it. I have to make sure he didn't die in vain, that it wasn't meaningless. Saren needs to die even more. Not only because of his goal, but because of all the death he's caused. Kaidan dies because of him, Liara's mom, those colonists on Feros and Eden Prime, Nihlus and countless others. How many more, is what I ask myself. How many more would he kill?" she replied. The Turian looked at her intently. She blinked her blue eyes and took another drink of coffee.

"I see." he said.

"Yes. It's different from Mindoir. How I dealt with that...it wasn't easy. My friends and family died around me, in smoke and flames, blood chilling screams. I got some revenge on Torfan, yes, but it still doesn't make it right." she paused. "When I saw Talitha, it reminded me of so much, that I was lucky. You know," she continued. "My best friend, I saw her die. Even my boyfriend, he died when I was with him. Blood everywhere, seeping all around me. It hurt me, watching them die, but I know they died for a reason."

"Commander, I'm sorry you went through that." Garrus soothed her.

"It's not like it's your fault. I know I could do nothing about it, but it doesn't ease the pain I have every day. I miss them, sure, but I know if I dwell on the past, that I won't be able to do things now...like stop Saren and the Reapers. I know that many will die if I don't act on it." she said. "Hell, it's hard being like that, knowing only you can do somethings. I'm the only human who has seen the Prothean beacons, the cypher and so many other things others won't get the chance to see. The first Human spectre, an N seven commando. I just...I'm still Human, not some super woman. I know I could die at any point, but if I can make sure my friends and allies are safe, then I die on the sword."

"Right. It does seem to be a lot to handle. But you do one hell of a good job balancing it all out." he assured her.

"Maybe, maybe not. Thanks, Garrus. Your a really good friend." she whispered.

"Your a good commander. Honestly." he complimented. Lili smiled.

"Heh." is all she managed.

"Commander, Illos in ten minutes." Joker reported over the comm. Lili finished her coffee and stood up.

"I enjoy talking with you, Garrus." she said. "When you go back down, tell Ash to suit up. I need you and her ready to go." she added.

"Alright, I will, Commander." he responded. Lili started towards her cabin only to turn around.

"Garrus, I..." she trailed off. "Thanks." she concluded, running off to her cabin. "So much for telling him." she thought, stripping off her uniform and putting on her under-armor mesh. She then put on her medium, scorpion armor and placing her weapons on her back. Lili put her dogtags around her neck.

"I will live. And Saren will fall." she muttered, walking out of her cabin, ready for the end fight.


End file.
